Losing yourself is not easy and so isn’t finding yourself. Both the path collide at a point and if you know that it’s NOT the day to lose yourself, then you know, you’ve found yourself instead.
Disclaimer: All the words written below are the writer’s personal thoughts and experience-based curations. They’re solely aimed towards personal/self-awareness & growth.
I have been told that love hurts. That love gives nothing but pain. That love is the antidote of nothing but happiness! I disagree to agree though! I have been in love and it’s been a beautiful journey. Clearly, it feels like a heartbreak, which it is. But it’s also a trigger towards my growth. Am I the only one who has seen movies that portray the post break-up success story? I am sure you must’ve seen some of them! Anyway, that’s not how it works in real life!
In real life, you’re waking up to hurt and going to sleep hurt. Everything you see, do, eat, read hurts. The only pain relief is a text or a call from the heart-breaker! But, WAKE UP! It ain’t going to happen. It’s not necessary for the one you love, to love you back! You can’t force someone to love you & you sure can’t control their heart when it gets distracted by someone else! So, How do we understand a heartbreak when we can’t understand love?
This is a tricky one. Can anyone ever understand love after all? With so much advancements in the world, we can at least give it a try! I write a lot about love, but that doesn’t mean that I understand love better than anyone else. What is MY definition for love is way different than yours. Love is an individual emotion. Billions of beings on this planet feel it in billion ways. All I can say is that LOVE IS IMMORTAL. Once you love someone, you can’t un-love them. It has its beauty & beast-ness in it, but it works.
Loving someone for a long time can be exhausting if they don’t reciprocate. What we should focus on is SELF GROWTH. And How Does Love Helps In Growth, read HERE.
It’s okay to love someone and still not like them!
All we need is to learn how to channel our emotions into the right direction and we’ll deal with our heartbreak like a rockstar!
As they portray in the movies that a heartbreak has its phases. But before we get into those, we must understand the difference between a break-up & a Heartbreak, because a heartbreak is NOT necessarily taken as a break-up.
Difference between a Break-up & a Heartbreak
A Break-up is when two individuals mutually decide to end a commitment (emotional or professional) because its not working out. A break-up is also a type of heartbreak as it hurts the same way, but not vice-versa.
A heartbreak is when one of the two individuals wants to leave the commitment and other doesn’t. Another type of heartbreak is when the one individual is interested in another individual and the commitment or feelings aren’t mutual and the former gets rejected by the latter or the love-interest. It is also known as Unrequited Love. To know more about Unrequited Love, read this – The Truth About Unrequited Love.
Phases of a Heartbreak
Phase #1 : DENIAL
This is the initial level of a break up or a heart break. In this phase, the person with a broken heart is denying the truth that the relationship is finally over. The person may consider it as a big-fight and will still cling on to patching up with the ex-partner.
This is a difficult phase, but with self-awareness, good friends & self-love, one can pass it and move on to the next phase.
Phase #2 : HOPE
I know how it feels to have a false hope of something happening, & to not let go! Life becomes scary without that hope. Letting go seems impossible. The hope, that they will come back to you. The hope, that they’ll love you back. One text, call or even a like from them on your post triggers that hope & the cycle goes on. The minute you decide to let the hope die, it will find it’s way of coming back to you. Beware when it does.
Whenever that hope comes, remember, it’s not HOPE, it’s just a text, a call or a like. It means NOTHING. There you go, to the next phase!
Phase #3 : REALISATION
This is the most important phase of a heartbreak because of 2 reasons.
One- It consists of letting go of denial & hope, the first two phases -together.
Two- It takes you to the main part of becoming emotionally independent.
This phase makes you realise why the commitment ended and why it is a good thing that it did. You finally see all the red-flags and toxic elements you have been ignoring for too long. You realise that it’s a good thing that they did what they did & you’re better off without them.
After we cross the phases of the heartbreak, we enter a whole new perspective about, life, love & ourselves. We accept that, as Oscar Wilde said, “Heart Was Meant To Be Broken”. But Washington Irving also said, “Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.”…..
So, It becomes our choice how we perceive the heartbreak. An opportunity to grow or to drown in the pain!
To Deal With A Heartbreak
There is abundance of “how to get over someone”, ” how to move on after a break-up” posts, all over the internet. This is NONE of those!
This post is intended for you to understand the hurt of your heartbreak, so that you can channelise those feelings into something better for yourself. Just don’t hold your feelings inside your heart, it will get wrecked.
Let’s deal with the heartbreak, shall we!
Method #1 : CRY IT OUT
As much as I am a fan of laughter and humour, I also support crying once in a while. It lightens our mind and lets out the stress. So, if you feel like crying. CRY.
Method #2 : CREATE
When I say ‘Channelise your feelings’, I mean CREATE. Like I started writing as the result of some negative emotions I had. I couldn’t do anything about them, so I started pouring them down into words & hence, Writing has become a part of me. I also created my podcast because of the things I was unable to say. Most of the artists do this. They CREATE through their emotions. Try it.
Method #3 : TALK ABOUT IT OR LAUGH ABOUT IT!
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t share my deepest thoughts with anyone but my writing but sometimes its good to talk about the things that are bothering you. It gives you a chance to look at a situation from someone else’s perspective which you’re too hurt to see on your own. When your best friend tells you, “Tell Me Everything”, They say so to help you in ways no one else can. SO TALK. Also, there are so many memes about heartbreak and crushes that can give you a good laugh in a tense moment and make you realise- YOU AREN’T ALONE.
Method #4 : FORGIVE, FORGET & FIND YOURSELF
Forgive the ones who did you wrong. They’re only human.
Forget the pain , the hurt & the loss.
Find Yourself by learning from the past, working in the present without thinking about the future.
There can be more methods to deal with a heartbreak, but I personally feel, you can only deal with pain & get over it, if YOU want to. Moreover, If you are able to follow these methods, you can deal with any pain or hurt in your way. So,
Accept it. Learn from it. Move On.
Thanks for reading. Namaste.
We struggle in search of peace. In hope of happiness and in expectations of paradise, without knowing, we’re making other’s lives worthwhile! Dedicated to people who are givers of positive vibes. Click.
The Reasons & Types of Adult Tantrums We Must Know.
Disclaimer: All the words written below are the writer’s personal thoughts, researched and experience-based curations. They’re solely aimed towards personal/self-awareness & growth.
Being in the early 20s, as much I dread adulting, there are some things I am happy I don’t do that the people of my age group usually do. I don’t drink alcohol (just once-twice a year to be honest), I don’t smoke, I am not a party person so, I don’t go to parties, I don’t date. Basically, I am content in my adulthood.Yet. I know it’s not going to get easier so I am just preparing for it by keeping my mental health in check. That’s the need of the hour. Yet, I am difficult on some days, because frankly, young adults are usually grown up teenagers right?
I have seen adults around me with some unbearable & intolerable issues. I thought, ‘why don’t I behave like that or what if I do and I don’t know?’ So, I decided to dig deep into adult behavioural facts and I came across Adult Tantrums!! I was shook yet intrigued because I finally had the answer for everything!
Adult Tantrums, as mentioned on psychology today:
Temper Tantrums, in general, are disruptive behaviours or emotional outbursts that involve physical acts or screaming. Many children never develop good coping skills — the tantrums continue into adulthood. Road rage, for example, is an adult temper tantrum.
Now that I know the term, I feel it’s my responsibility to share the information as much as possible, because it directly strikes to our mental health.
Adult Tantrum is a real thing and there are several reasons for it. The first one is — Being stupid. NO, I AM KIDDING. Let’s talk about WHAT ARE THOSE ADULT TANTRUMS!
The list are the kind of tantrums adults throw on a daily basis. These may include:
- Using a high pitch or a loud tone of voice while talking. (Yes, it’s kind of a tantrum. Normally people talk in a medium to low tone/pitch).
- Flinching, eyes rolling, frowning or no expression face. (I didn’t think about it this way before, but these are actual tantrums! Especially in a group or a workplace).
- Getting irritated by every little thing. (Okay. I throw this tantrum everyday!)
- Walking fast or back & forth in aggression. (No, Walking back & forth while talking on a phone is not a tantrum. Thank god!…).
- Aggressive hand gestures . (No, hitting your sibling doesn’t count.) Basically, while talking face to face.
These were some I summarised after searching “adult tantrums” on the internet! I got to know this today that “adult tantrums” is a real thing! I thought it was something we used to make fun of each other. Like using phrases at someone , “Don’t be such a baby”, “ why are you being so silly”, “you’re crazy”, “Are you out of your mind?”…. Guess what, all of this effects the adult even more than the reasons for their tantrums! So, just stop asking or reacting like this!
“This is all related to our Mental Health and the way it is being dealt with is not the right way.”
But, what can be the reasons for tantrum in adults? I thought about it and the way it has been taken in the world so far, I think WE MUST TALK ABOUT IT.
Dealing With Adult Tantrums:
Adult Temper Tantrum, Adult tantrum Therapy etc. are real discussed things!! It is only related to our psychology. An adult throwing tantrums, according to psychology & internet, can be because of the following reasons:
- Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
- Borderline personality disorder
- Autism spectrum disorders
- Bipolar disorder
- Obsessive compulsive disorder
- Narcissistic personality disorder
- Post traumatic stress disorder
- Substance abuse
I KNOW!!!!! I had no idea! …
Okay, I had some idea. Now I have a lot of ideas…..Not EUREKA level ideas but eureka level. Like how can we identify and deal with all this on our own?
The above reasons for adult tantrums are too heavy to even think about, but people actually have these issues and they must be acknowledged. This is all related to our Mental Health and the way it is being dealt with is not the right way. Not because there isn’t any help available, there is. People just aren’t aware about the side-effects of any mental health issue. We ignore our day to day behaviour thinking of it as a bad day, PMS, Mood Swings etc. But we must think about how often we are having a certain negative emotion or slight negative feeling. We must monitor ourselves — mentally, physically, emotionally & spiritually.
There are several ways to deal with adult tantrums, mental health issues or even to monitor our each move on our own:
“Whenever you’re feeling unsure or lost, journal”
- JOURNALING: I personally feel that journaling or writing things down is the best way to be self aware. Journaling helps us to understand not just what’s happening around or with us but also what’s happening inside us. It keeps the track of our emotions and why are we having them. Whenever you’re feeling unsure or lost, journal/ write it. It works like magic.
“Don’t let yourself lose yourself.”
2. SWITCHING OFF: The television, the phone, the laptop or any other screen you’re using! Take a break from technology. Technology is a blessing but only if we use it wisely. It can make us forget about all the good things we have in our lives, if we use it addictively. So switch off everything for a while. Do something else instead and come back to it, when everything is under control. Don’t let yourself lose yourself.
“Take 3 deep breaths. You got this.”
3. WORK IT OUT BY WORKING OUT: Exercise, Yoga or Running or even sports- any physical form of exercise is another way to channelise negative energy into something productive. It helps your brain and heart and also helps your emotional health. Meditation is another way you can channel the energy and stay calm and stress free. Whenever you start feeling anything you don’t want to, take 3 deep breaths. You got this.
“Once you share it with the world, you’ll see that you’re not alone in it.”
4. TALK ABOUT IT: Talking is the best way to feel better instantly. But I understand it’s hard to take control when your brain & heart are fighting over each other. It can make you feel alone and anxious. In that case, If you can not talk to a person, you can share your feelings in different ways. You can write blogs, create art and share it, click pictures, or even create music or anything you’re capable of. Once you share it with the world, you’ll see that you’re not alone in it. There are so many people who feel the same way and now that you’ve shared your story in some creative way, it has inspired those people who were hesitant to talk about it, to create for themselves. So, Create. Share. Love.
When I started writing, I didn’t know what it is exactly aiming towards. Now, I have figured that not just I want to understand the world better, but moreover I want to make myself & people aware of who they are & who they can be. So, I hope, this was helpful to you. Take care.
Thanks for reading. Namaste.
“Follow Your Heart But Take Your Brain With You”- Alfred Adler.
A Poetic Story.
Days have passed,
With pain inside my heart.
Suppressing it hard,
It could tear me apart.
I thought it was time,
Time to be smart.
I should cry a little,
It will help me restart.
Once I cried, watching a film.
Twice I cried, thinking about my kiln.
I knew I was crying for outside reasons.
Yet, I was sure, I wanted to cry this season.
I wiped my tears & went to sleep.
All I could think about was my own film.
The story of my life & how it’s turned out.
I couldn’t sleep.
No matter how many times I turned, rolled or counted the stars!
I went to another room, sat in the dark,
To see if it was the film that had given me this part.
A part to play inside my head.
To feel that it was me in the story who’d broken her heart!
Turns out, it was the trigger I was waiting for.
It gave me all the reasons to cry a little in the dark.
I cried & wiped them off my face.
I knew it was important & healthy for me to give up at last.
I went back to sleep after it all.
I slept in a few moments to believe it or not!
It was a sound sleep afterwards.
I woke up the next day feeling fresh as a flower.
Crying has helped me before, but not when I was addicted to it.
It helps me balance my emotions in ways I couldn’t want.
Yet, crying a little once in a while is a sign,
That you know you’re human,
And you love yourself to be sometimes vulnerable,
& sometimes, to be fine….
It really is.
To breakdown once in a while.
To let the world forget your mind.
To hear wrongs & feel trapped.
To love so much & lose yourself.
To cry when no one’s watching.
To have no clue of what’s happening.
To forget why you started IT.
To feel the pain and take it all in.
To be vulnerable sometimes.
To lose people & to lose your mind.
To hide the hurt & pretend the smile.
To harden your heart , become arrogant with time.
To understand, life isn’t easy for all.
To give it time to turn back & crawl.
To have a heart but still using the brain.
To let it rain as humanity is strange.
To hold hands, just your own.
To be alone & trying to control.
To mourn the loss of who you use to be.
To be weak & accept our destiny.
To realise that everything happens for a reason.
It’s okay. You’ll be happy again.
It’s just another season……….
I saw it. The way you looked at her.
I knew it. You would never look at me that way.
It took a while to let that sink in. Now it has.
Let’s get to reality, shall we.
I won’t like your pictures anymore.
Not even if you still look the most handsome man.
I won’t click on your name and read our chats again.
Because whenever I read our texts, I see only I, Me & Myself.
You’re there for pity & to save your back up plan!!!
No, I am not going to be your backup anymore.
Especially when I am not even a prior friend.
I won’t talk to you, ever. Even if you call, i’ll be as formal as I can be.
Even if it means to be rude & blimey on your part.
As, I am not that crazy-wild girl anymore. Not to you.
Not the girl you used to know!
I am not in love with you now.
Even if I feel something with just your thought.
That doesn’t mean love. It means my ego has taken over your name.
I am not going to text or call you ever.
No more swallowing my pride for the love that exists only inside me.
You were nice to me. But now you just don’t care.
That hurts you know!!!
Someone loving you so much & you loving just yourself!
Well, I shouldn’t be angry at you.
It’s not your fault that I fell for you!
But I am going to be angry at you, because I need to heal.
You see, I have to be angry & hate you for not loving me.
The love needs to be transformed into pride & ego.
It’s the only way I can let you go……
We’re ignoring our uniqueness.
Disclaimer: Everything written below is the writer’s thoughts and observation-based curations.
Don’t you think it’s a race? Race of being the best by being- different, unique, weird, crazy, abnormal, spooky, and some more words to describe the latest trend in the market? How often do we see stories of a romantic pair, where the guy tells the girl or vice-versa, “I like you because you’re different”! Only they realize later, that they’re all the same!! They think their partner is different is because they pretend to be at the beginning of the relationship. I am not saying they can’t be different, but the odds seem quite not-in-favor of the notion! For instance, take all of us. The Medium Writers. Aren’t we all trying to stand-out? Trying to write the most different & the next cool article that is loved by everyone? Why do you think I am writing this cool & different post? Let’s face it guys, our purpose in life is love. To love others, yes. But mostly to be loved by others. We live for validation & crave it in everything we do. Henceforth, the race to be cool & different begins!
But why do we ignore the fact that we are different !?
Plagiarism of Personality:
What am I getting at? At a point, that in being different & cool, we’re losing the touch! The touch of reality.
Being Yourself is a luxury only a few can afford. In between all the haze of ‘getting noticed’, all of us are losing the one thing we must always hold on to! Being Ourselves. The problem with today’s mindset is not that we’re hustling over ‘plagiarism of personalities’, but not being aware of it! As individuals, we have individual personalities (everyone knows that), yet we’re unknowingly competing with ourselves & not with others.
“Plagiarism of Personality can be defined as a person who, despite being sufficient on their own, thinks otherwise & tries to adopt practices that are considered to be ‘cooler’ & have been adapted by several beings, to get the attention of the people who’re suffering from the same, unknowingly.”
We all are different and that is the most basic similarity amongst us.
Weird Is The New Cool!
Everyone NOW thinks/knows that weird is the new cool. Hence, everyone is trying to be weird in their ways. Even if it means to lose yourself! If you’re naturally NOT weird, you’re still cool because at least You are Yourself! Trust me, Weird isn’t the new Cool! Being Yourself is.
Yet, this is not easily understandable if you’ve gone too far! Then let me make it easier:
There are weird people. They’re cool.
Some people aren’t weird, but they’re still cool.
Why do we want to copy other’s personalities to be as cool as them?
Why can’t we accept that dude, we’re in fact, cooler than thou!
Weird isn’t the new Cool! Being Yourself is.
Still, you can deny that you’re suffering from plagiarism of personality. It’s okay. Because we’re all weird. We all are different and that is the most basic similarity amongst us. Yet, we can’t run away from the truth, which is, we’re all struggling to win over the other. But the good thing is, we still love each other & support each other in every way possible.
To make it easier, I am going to share some signs & solutions, if the plagiarism of personality has taken a toll on you.
Signs of Plagiarism of Personality:
- Denial & Unawareness.
- Constant thoughts on how to ‘prove yourself’.
- Thoughts like ‘They did this. How can I do that to be better’ are also common.
- Trying to be different.
- Seeking validation.
- Low self-esteem.
- Hard time making friends by setting higher standards for yourself.
- Not feeling happy from the inside.
- This list can be very long, but I’ll leave at it.
Solutions for Plagiarism Of Personality:
- Be aware & accept the truth.
- Work hard on originality and the results will show.
- Get inspired by others. Not envied.
- Embrace your different.
- Stop giving a damn about what people think.
- Be yourself. Accept you as you. Your confidence is the best thing to carry.
- Be grateful for your true friends. Value their presence in your life.
- Spend time with yourself. Love Yourself. You’ll be happier.
The point to remember is — You are YOU. There can never be another YOU. Don’t pollute that with plagiarism of personality! Embrace Yourself. We’re different and that’s why we’re cool.
Thanks for reading. Namaste.