2020 has been the worst year we’ve ever seen. All we can do, is hope for better and that becomes are fuel to go through everyday. We have done so many things this year along side facing some. We got abundant of time to work on ourselves and our passions. We finished some things that were on hold for a while because of lack of time! Yet, we learnt the most important thing in 2020.
ACCEPTANCE.
Acceptance is the biggest lesson & a milestone one can achieve. 2020 has come with innumerable lessons, and one of the most important one is Acceptance.
Accepting that what we have is enough and we must not waste resources. Accepting that things are temporary and good times don’t last forever. So doesn’t bad times. Accepting the situations around us, how we wasted valuable moments with family before, and now we’re getting some. How some people are losing their families and we’re some lucky few to have them safe. SO we embrace it.
People are sharing things, opinions, feelings, stories and their vulnerability, insecurities and self-love stories too. And we’re getting inspired to adapt something from them. In the world of trollers and shamers, most of the people are accepting the truth and sharing positive thoughts. Accepting the love and kindness we can spread is one of the biggest highlights of the year.
Good times don’t last and so doesn’t bad ones. So we’ve learnt this year. Although, bad ones seem to last longer for now, but we know there’s hope and this is going to end soon and we’ll accept the things in newer world. We will embrace the good times better from now on.
Let’s face it. Most of the people are spending their time on the internet and there are billion types of people. Like the ones who troll and the ones who troll the trollers, and the one who troll the trolling the trollers, because freedom of speech! But, at least, the fights stay online. We learn newer perspectives and realities from all around the world. With that, we accept everyone without judging them.
With so many inspiring stories of people doing so much in this tough scenario, just melts our hearts. Standing up for each other, sending love to people who are away, calling and texting to just say ‘hello’, keeping track of each other’s mental healths and most of all spending time with family and ourselves and meeting our trueselves.
We’re standing up for people, from all around the world. Be it the #blacklivesmatter movement, the #lebanondisaster , #mentalhealthawareness or #covidcases around the globe. We’re speaking up, and witnessing the power of togetherness. This going to make us all stronger as human beings, more kind, compassionate and empathetic.
We’re all going back to the things we loved to do. Painting, dancing, singing, writing, cooking, baking and what not! We get astounded everyday with one thing or the other and I thank THE INTERNET for that. We’re learning more than ever. We’ve accepted that learning is growing and now that we have the time, we’re getting on it with online courses and workshops. We’re accepting that if we don’t learn NOW, we’ll never do.
People are losing their loved ones and some people are safe with theirs. Call it fate , luck or destiny, life is uncertain and we’re accepting it. With Covid or any other reason, people are losing lives but other people are giving birth too. We’ve lost so many great artists this year. The most loved, most followed people. We’re so damn sad about it, but it’s the truth and we’re accepting to move on and pray for a better tomorrow and in that, we’re together.
We’ve done a lot of damage to ourselves and to others in the past and this year has made us accept everything. This year we accepted to move on and let the mistakes stay where they’re- in the past. Accepting the defeat is also a victory and it’s the one thing required to live a meaningful life. Embrace the failures and learn the lessons.
In the end, what matters is – OUR WILL. How strong we’ve become or how weak we are. We matter the most in our lives and accepting this has been a major change in so many lives this year. Taking time off from the internet, friends or doing certain things, for our own peace of mind. Accepting mistakes and learning from them. Falling in love and getting rejected, losing the job and starting to work on a dream project – so many things happening in so many lives. But in the end- we accept that what matters the most is still there and that makes all the difference.
For three long years, she lived alone. Away from friends, family and herself… On some days she met people. Colleagues, friends on rare weekends and family on more rare ones. She’d always wanted to live on her own. To experience the taste of independence. She’d found out so much about herself and life altogether. She even made friends with nature, craft, art, anxiety & depression. Some days were amazing, full of light but on some days, darkness never stopped.
She tried damn hard to fight with her inner demons, with loneliness and with herself, but mostly it never worked. Then, she started to journal her thoughts, her dark feelings and how much she hated living alone. Though, she couldn’t talk about it with anyone. Because whenever she met someone, they all used to say the same thing, “Wow!! You live alone? That’s awesome man!”… No it’s not. After a point, it’s the worst thing ever.
Things got better after two years. Depression was kind of over but anxiety was at its peak. Anxiety attacks were as frequent as salon visits. But she kept quiet, put a smile on her face, everyday. No one knew what she was going through. No one knows. She just wrote in her diary. Sometimes talked to her best friends, who helped her through it.
Whenever her parents used to visit, she never mentioned her battles of the heart, soul and mind. Inspite of having such amazing people in her life, she just couldn’t talk about it! She used laugh with people, who laughed at her because she felt bad for living alone. “You are sad, cause you live alone? That’s not a reason to be depressed, you’re just overthinking.”
Nobody knows what it feels like, until it happens with them. Loneliness can do the worst things to a person, tree or an animal. If you plant a tree in an isolated field without any other trees or plants, it’ll die. If you leave a dog alone in the park, it’ll go crazy and so will a human. And on most days, she did die and then lived the next.
It was the beginning of the year 2020 and she was alright. She moved in with her parents in April. She was thrilled that she didn’t have to live alone anymore. She didn’t have to worry about dying from some imaginary disease. She could just sleep all day now. This went on or five months. She was extremely content and happy for living with her parents.
One day, her parents had to go out of town for a few days but she didn’t want to go. She thought, this could be a nice chance to recharge my ‘loner’ self. She wanted to live alone. Because whenever she’d go to another city, she needs to be prepared for it. So her parents left and she was occupied in work. Until afternoon, she didn’t do much. She felt this heaviness in her head. It wasn’t a headache. But the head was drowning, it felt like.
As being a self-aware human, she tried contemplating the reasons behind it. Less sleep – Yes. Eyes Strain- Yes. Too much brain work- Yes. All these reasons are totally normal to feel heavy-headed. But her conclusion was this – I feel this uneasiness – not just in my head but in my whole body. I don’t feel like doing anything. I feel tired and uncomfortable. This is all because after living alone for three long years, I had the best time last five months and now I am alone again. It’s all the side-effect of loneliness… It has creeped in once again, within a few hours of activation!
All she can think now is, how dangerous it is that as much she hates living alone, but loves living with parents but hates living with anyone else but her parents, she’s doomed forever!
Yesterday, the person who’s moving into our building on the ground floor, was cutting the branches of a tree. The tree that has been there for several years and has provided us it’s shade, it’s fruit and it’s positive companionship. He had already cut another tree few days ago, not from the root, but by the branches. People were furious and spoke up against it but behind his back.
I felt so much anger that I kept looking out the window, to see if he’s cutting the whole tree. By that time, it was just the branches. JUST THE BRANCHES. How would you feel if I cut your arm or leg or just one ear? That’s how the tree must have been feeling.
I started crying. I don’t know how I felt it, but I just wanted to hug that tree and ease it’s pain and I prayed to god and said I was sorry that us humans have once again, (Inspite of all the punishments) have disappointed mother nature.
Suddenly, I thought that he is cutting the whole tree out, with the root. So I asked, if they’re. They said NO, they’re only cutting the branches. But I still wasn’t sure. So I kept standing there by the window, and at one point, I was going to go downstairs and stop them once and for all. There was almost a repetition of the ‘Chipko Movement’. I was ready and I was crying. But then, they stopped. The tree was still standing, with less branches. But it was there.
I was sad because I knew that THIS MAN is going to teach his kids the same things. That we can destroy nature for our needs and in the age of planting more trees, they’ll be cutting more! It all made me realise that what I’ve witnessed today and inside my heart is a feeling I have never had before.
I cried for a tree today.
Yet, we need to keep going, right?
As humans we’ve been taught to be faithful and keep moving ahead, no matter what. I agree. Inspite of the fact that the world is facing it’s worst of this century, we must keep moving forward.
I felt guilty for feeling great. I used to see myself as a selfish human, who doesn’t care about the world. The truth is, I don’t anymore. I care, I don’t feel guilty of being happy. This feeling of ‘content’ and ‘self-belonging’ has been missing in my life.
I have never felt that I could love myself and my life this way, as the hardships we go through let us forget that we deserve to be happy. We feel we’re going to be hurt all our lives. But what we need is to embrace that feeling of negativity, ACCEPT what is going on and then, we let it go, once and for all.
So, I accepted that the tree is okay now and I won’t let that man cut anymore. I don’t know about anyone else, but during this whole pandemic, I sure did come closer to Mother Nature & I’ll keep moving with Mother Nature by my side.
I am sure, just like me, you must’ve read and watched all the articles and videos about early morning routines and it’s benefits. I am sure, some of you are the early morning birds, that sing with ease with eyes closed, smile on a face and a fresh breeze kissing every ounce of your body. Robin Sharma wrote a Best-Selling Book on it, The 5 a.m. Club. I read it and got inspired but not motivated. I always procrastinated about ‘my early mornings’!
Two weeks ago, I hit a major writer’s block. I forced myself to write two poems and they were okay! Yet, I knew I could write better. But, I just didn’t want to. I regretted my non-writing hours of the day. I apparently didn’t even read any online things of my fellow writers. Just kept my distance from the writing exercise and the community itself. For a week, I wasted time. I watched the Netflix series, DARK & read my unfinished books, ordered some more & re-read the old ones.
A week later, I was enjoying it. I realised, I needed to waste sometime. I needed to take a break. Yet, I needed a routine. moreover, a morning one! Yet, I STILL DIDN’T WAKE UP EARLY. In fact, I used to sleep around 3 a.m. ! So, one fine day, I wrote this – The Power Of Wasting Time.
I literally thought that my writer’s block is over. Yet, I was still not motivated to be productive. So, wasted some more time, wrote in my journal, read more books, created some Content. But, I didn’t feel motivated enough.
Two days ago, I decided to go for a walk in the evening. May be discover new roads to walk on. When I did, I felt something that I hadn’t felt in a very long time. The peace was easier to feel. The road was empty. There were bushy trees on both sides and there were just me, the sound of my footsteps and the song of the breeze (somewhat similar to the image). I don’t think I have heard such quite surrounding, ever! I had just fallen in love with walks in the nature.
I walked and just gazed into the beautiful blue sky, the monsoon green trees, the washed up road with a garnish of fallen leaves.
It was a wake up call. One morning I woke up around 5:30 in the morning and just went off!!! My eyes weren’t even wide open yet and my hair were messed up. But I didn’t care (Also, with the mask on, nobody would recognise me). Anyway, I walked and just gazed into the beautiful blue sky, the monsoon green trees, the washed up road with a garnish of fallen leaves. It was surreal! I came back and I felt like I was a new person. The nature really heals, I thought. I opened my laptop, I went to this site aeon.co because I wanted to feed my brain with some breakfast. Coincidently, the first article I saw was ‘The Healing Power Of Nature’. It was relatable and informative but the satisfaction I felt was out of this world.
Finally, I came down to medium and read some amazing stories. I wrote down some ideas I had and then, started to write this. Apologies for dragging you along the memoir! But without going backwards, there’s no moving forward right?
A walk is the stillness we need in a speedy world.
The Significance Of A Walk
I am assuming you’re intrigued. I used to go for walks before, but why did it affect me on such a high note this time? Simply, because I Needed It. Sounds cliche but it’s true. The fact behind the phrase ‘timing is everything’, is that it is. A walk can change the way you look at life. It can heal your mind, body and soul. A walk can take away all the pain and give you all the cure you need.
A walk is an escape from the chaos of the world. A walk is the stillness we need in a speedy world. If we’re able to go for a walk, in between all this clutter in the world, there’s no one luckier than us. Because we can find a moment of peace and motionlessness in the natural state of motion of a human being, without having to think of the consequences but to experience it all.
The Power Of A Walk
I shared my story, yet there’s more to it. A walk is a personal choice & its power on us is personal as well. However, some effects are common.
A walk is liberating: Remember, when in childhood, we used to go out and play. How amazing it used to feel. We used to wait for our play time! Same goes in adulthood, but with walks… Our playtime is replaced with a walk, but gives us the same feeling, leaves the same after effect and makes us powerful in feeling free.
A walk is the awaited ‘Me-Time’: Adulthood is hard and what’s harder is to find that time in a day, where you get to be yourself, with yourself. You get to be alone with your thoughts and get inspired with them. A walk is that moment.
A walk is the easiest exercise: Also cycling. It’s the most effortless exercise for all aspects of us. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. a walk is great for everything. The only effort you need to put in, is to just go for it.
A walk helps you with ‘live in the moment’: When on a walk, with music or not, try not to use your phone. Just walk and look around. You’ll realise that time can be slowed down and you can worry less, because you’re learning to living in the moment because of the walk.
I want to share more about how amazing a walk can be, but I think you get the point. Now, all you need to do is to go for a walk in nature and experience the magic on your own. Be safe and happy walking.
I could still hear the cheer. I could still feel the lights on my face. I could still smile at the possibility. I could still be a Rockstar! This was my another life. A life un-lived.
I still sing sometimes, but that passion is missing now. The soul lacks in transferring the sound waves through a listener’s heart. It could only reach to an ear or two. People could still praise me for the voice I have & the songs I sing. But they would never praise me for it touched their soul. Because I knew, it didn’t have the soul anymore. A soul for a soul, remember? If you don’t give a soul, you won’t connect to a soul either.
No matter how much you want it. No matter how much work you want to give into it, so that you can fill up the years you’ve lost without it, nothing will ever be enough. Nothing will ever fill up the void in your heart.
The emptiness I feel when I see someone perform on stage. That heart ache I feel every time someone tells me they’re a singer. That voice in my head that tells me, “I could’ve done it better”. It never goes away. It’s constant knock annoys me sometimes, but mostly, reminds me of what could’ve been!
Then, reality creeps in and all I’m left with, are tears and regret, sometimes guilt too. “What if, have I worked harder or stayed focused, or the passion wouldn’t have been lost?”
No, that doesn’t matter now.
I have a broken dream, that I can live, every time I close my eyes.
