Disclaimer: All the words written below are the writer’s personal thoughts and experience-based curations. They’re solely aimed towards personal/self-awareness & growth.
I have been told that love hurts. That love gives nothing but pain. That love is the antidote of nothing but happiness! I disagree to agree though! I have been in love and it’s been a beautiful journey. Clearly, it feels like a heartbreak, which it is. But it’s also a trigger towards my growth. Am I the only one who has seen movies that portray the post break-up success story? I am sure you must’ve seen some of them! Anyway, that’s not how it works in real life!
In real life, you’re waking up to hurt and going to sleep hurt. Everything you see, do, eat, read hurts. The only pain relief is a text or a call from the heart-breaker! But, WAKE UP! It ain’t going to happen. It’s not necessary for the one you love, to love you back! You can’t force someone to love you & you sure can’t control their heart when it gets distracted by someone else! So, How do we understand a heartbreak when we can’t understand love?
This is a tricky one. Can anyone ever understand love after all? With so much advancements in the world, we can at least give it a try! I write a lot about love, but that doesn’t mean that I understand love better than anyone else. What is MY definition for love is way different than yours. Love is an individual emotion. Billions of beings on this planet feel it in billion ways. All I can say is that LOVE IS IMMORTAL. Once you love someone, you can’t un-love them. It has its beauty & beast-ness in it, but it works.
Loving someone for a long time can be exhausting if they don’t reciprocate. What we should focus on is SELF GROWTH. And How Does Love Helps In Growth, read HERE.
It’s okay to love someone and still not like them!
All we need is to learn how to channel our emotions into the right direction and we’ll deal with our heartbreak like a rockstar!
As they portray in the movies that a heartbreak has its phases. But before we get into those, we must understand the difference between a break-up & a Heartbreak, because a heartbreak is NOT necessarily taken as a break-up.
Difference between a Break-up & a Heartbreak
A Break-up is when two individuals mutually decide to end a commitment (emotional or professional) because its not working out. A break-up is also a type of heartbreak as it hurts the same way, but not vice-versa.
A heartbreak is when one of the two individuals wants to leave the commitment and other doesn’t. Another type of heartbreak is when the one individual is interested in another individual and the commitment or feelings aren’t mutual and the former gets rejected by the latter or the love-interest. It is also known as Unrequited Love. To know more about Unrequited Love, read this – The Truth About Unrequited Love.
Phases of a Heartbreak
Phase #1 : DENIAL
This is the initial level of a break up or a heart break. In this phase, the person with a broken heart is denying the truth that the relationship is finally over. The person may consider it as a big-fight and will still cling on to patching up with the ex-partner.
This is a difficult phase, but with self-awareness, good friends & self-love, one can pass it and move on to the next phase.
Phase #2 : HOPE
I know how it feels to have a false hope of something happening, & to not let go! Life becomes scary without that hope. Letting go seems impossible. The hope, that they will come back to you. The hope, that they’ll love you back. One text, call or even a like from them on your post triggers that hope & the cycle goes on. The minute you decide to let the hope die, it will find it’s way of coming back to you. Beware when it does.
Whenever that hope comes, remember, it’s not HOPE, it’s just a text, a call or a like. It means NOTHING. There you go, to the next phase!
Phase #3 : REALISATION
This is the most important phase of a heartbreak because of 2 reasons.
One- It consists of letting go of denial & hope, the first two phases -together.
Two- It takes you to the main part of becoming emotionally independent.
This phase makes you realise why the commitment ended and why it is a good thing that it did. You finally see all the red-flags and toxic elements you have been ignoring for too long. You realise that it’s a good thing that they did what they did & you’re better off without them.
After we cross the phases of the heartbreak, we enter a whole new perspective about, life, love & ourselves. We accept that, as Oscar Wilde said, “Heart Was Meant To Be Broken”. But Washington Irving also said, “Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.”…..
So, It becomes our choice how we perceive the heartbreak. An opportunity to grow or to drown in the pain!
To Deal With A Heartbreak
There is abundance of “how to get over someone”, ” how to move on after a break-up” posts, all over the internet. This is NONE of those!
This post is intended for you to understand the hurt of your heartbreak, so that you can channelise those feelings into something better for yourself. Just don’t hold your feelings inside your heart, it will get wrecked.
Let’s deal with the heartbreak, shall we!
Method #1 : CRY IT OUT
As much as I am a fan of laughter and humour, I also support crying once in a while. It lightens our mind and lets out the stress. So, if you feel like crying. CRY.
Method #2 : CREATE
When I say ‘Channelise your feelings’, I mean CREATE. Like I started writing as the result of some negative emotions I had. I couldn’t do anything about them, so I started pouring them down into words & hence, Writing has become a part of me. I also created my podcast because of the things I was unable to say. Most of the artists do this. They CREATE through their emotions. Try it.
Method #3 : TALK ABOUT IT OR LAUGH ABOUT IT!
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t share my deepest thoughts with anyone but my writing but sometimes its good to talk about the things that are bothering you. It gives you a chance to look at a situation from someone else’s perspective which you’re too hurt to see on your own. When your best friend tells you, “Tell Me Everything”, They say so to help you in ways no one else can. SO TALK. Also, there are so many memes about heartbreak and crushes that can give you a good laugh in a tense moment and make you realise- YOU AREN’T ALONE.
Method #4 : FORGIVE, FORGET & FIND YOURSELF
Forgive the ones who did you wrong. They’re only human.
Forget the pain , the hurt & the loss.
Find Yourself by learning from the past, working in the present without thinking about the future.
There can be more methods to deal with a heartbreak, but I personally feel, you can only deal with pain & get over it, if YOU want to. Moreover, If you are able to follow these methods, you can deal with any pain or hurt in your way. So,
Accept it. Learn from it. Move On.
Thanks for reading. Namaste.