Words from the Archive.
To all of you wondering what unrequited love means, Unrequited Love is that one-sided love story that you never got to start or finish!
I recently read an article about Unrequited Love and it really seemed very relatable and pure! That made me wonder, is it real or just momentary, or what really is the psychology behind unrequited love? So, I looked inside my own head and heart and here you’ll know some factual basis for having a heart-wrenching one-sided love affair!
First things first, when do you know that your crush or infatuation phase is over and now you have the one-sided love for a person?
Well, psychology says that it takes 4 months to fall in love, and crush & infatuation happen all the time, but there’s a silver lining between all these. Crushs may also remain for a long time depending on the person you’re crushing on! If the person is reciprocating the same amount of effort, you’ll crush over them even more! But then you’ll get to know them, and you’ll feel like “I don’t like this person anymore, it was better before when I knew nothing about them”!!! And your crush is over. Time for a new hunt.
Happens with me! *giggles*
Infatuation is slightly different because after the equal effort of the person you still like them, and you may feel like you can be with them and all that stuff. Day dreaming is a common disease around this (it’s common in every attraction though, planning the future and imagining, what it’ll be like to be their gf/bf)….*too much dopamine*. It has more passion, more evaluation and more regrets of doing crazy things! *Sighs*
But then someone better comes along, and there’s a wall that’s slowly building up, and the next thing you know, you have a new crush!
Love is another level of submission to the person who loves us back. You know things about them, they know things about you. You see someone better , but in your heart you both know that this person is the only one who makes me happy. (Love is selfish in nature by the way). And you know all the other things that happen when two people are in love!!! *Eye rolling*.
Now, the hard one is the Unrequited Love.
I am sure most of us have had or still have a one-sided love for a person, who knows nothing about it!
This love is completely unconditional and selfless. We know the person and their traits, and we love everything about them, without any doubts about the fact that they may never feel the same for us! But, deep down, we still hope that someday they’ll reciprocate equally.
There’s one edge though. We don’t see the negative side of that person, or any deal breakers. We tend to focus on all the good things the person has and neglect their imperfections. That is why we find it hard to get out of these feelings. I am not saying that a person’s imperfections are a bad thing, infact they make them more real and more human. But, when we deny that a person can have any spots, we are telling our brain to see them as PERFECT , for US!
Although this is stupid, but everything is fair in love! We all do it.
Why do we feel this way?
When we see a person as PERFECT, we see all those things that we would want in our ideal partner to have! Of course, we don’t know who that’ll turn out to be, ideal or not. But, the person we have an unrequited love for, is that ideal partner for us! In simpler words, they just make us feel like home.
This is the only reason I feel there is, to have an undenying, undying, unconditional unrequited love.
Now, the real question is,
Can we get out of this hopeless love?
Well, it isn’t easy to get out of LOVE! Especially, when we have these feelings for a long time, months, or years may be! But, yes it is possible.
We just need to tell ourselves the real facts about this situation. The truth about Unrequited Love is that, its not in our hands to make someone fall in love with us. We can’t make anyone feel anything. So, we must accept the truth that these feelings, if grown stronger each day, will only harm US. To get out of them is to focus on the fact that THAT person may know about your feelings (because they do, it is obvious to guess if someone likes you), they still don’t do anything about it, and you are just waiting there for them to initiate, but trust me, they won’t.
Now, you can move on by accepting the fact that they know this, but still don’t feel the same way, and you can stop wasting your life hoping, they ever will! I know it’s hard , and it hurts.
But, do yourself a favour today. Get out of it. Because there’re plenty of fishes in the sea who will value you for YOU.